Kiss the Cook
by Fiercest
Summary: No one does dinner parties like team 7. Then again, no one else has recipes like Sakura's.


A/N: AND THE BATTLE CONTINUES LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

**A/N: AND THE BATTLE CONTINUES LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! Those of you who are following the ****'8 Prompt Challenge' Will know how this works.**

**8 Prompts Issued by the opponent, 24 hours, ANY fandom. And GO!**

**"Mahoosive", "Mamma Mia", "Sniffles", "Culinary Art's biggest threat", "BANANA****S!", "DINAMITE!" "Go poof.", "I'm not putting the cat in the oven and that's final."**

**Kiss the Cook**

It was a known fact that Haruno Sakura couldn't cook. She burn rice, undercooked hot dogs and for gods sakes water evaporated before she could make her tea! Seriously, my best friend is incapable of making ANYTHING she is the culinary art's biggest threat.

So it came to be a really big surprise when Sakura announced to us at the bridge after training that she was gonna make us a great home cooked meal to celebrate our inauguration into ANBU.

"Well, Sakura I'd love to come but um…." Kakashi searched his archives for an excuse he'd never used. "The road of life needs….um…. DINAMITE! IT NEEDS DINAMITE!! There's um, A BLOCKAGE!" he paused for a moment, "Yeah that works." He cowered beneath her glare.

"U-um…would you like some help Sakura?" I asked uneasily as I exchanged a look with the Teme. It was a lose lose situation for all of us; on the one hand if we refused than she'd kill us, on the other we might die from food poisoning.

The question was; which is the lesser of two evils?

"Um…no thanks Naruto! I'm making my Mama Haruno's famous Mahoosive Meat Loaf; with Onions, Chili powder, red bean paste and Mama's secret ingredient! You'll love it." She said with a grin.

"Hn, don't be annoying. Just let us help you." 'So you don't poison us.' He refrained from finishing his sentence, because after three years of renewed friendship and living in the same building had taught him not to mess with her, or insult her.

"Uh, okay Sasuke-kun." She blinked in shock. "Come by around 5 later okay?"

"Sure Sakura-chan, no problem." I called before turning away.

"One more thing boys!" Sakura shouted back, "You will do exactly as I say or I will make sure you're burping up your colons. Got that?" she grinned cheekily.

"Y-yeah."

"Hn."

"Good." She then pranced off to do her grocery shopping.

Immediately we burst into action.

Sasuke fisted his hand in our ex-sensei's shirt and shoved him against a tree; I peered over my shoulder, glaring at poor Kakashi. "Listen and listen good, if we have to suffer through Sakura's cooking you do too. If not I will shove a Chidori up your ass."

"And I'll Rasengan you into the next century."

"My, you two aren't exactly as creative as our little blossom are you?"

X x X

"Hi boys! I did the grocery shopping so all we have to do now is get started." She tied her light green apron around her waist with a slight tug. "Aprons are on the hook over there," she told them shrugging her head in their direction, knowing full well that they knew exactly where everything was.

Sasuke quickly grabbed the white one, leaving me with the frilly pink one.

"Sorry," Sakura blushed as she looked me up and down, "That one's Ino's, I sorta borrowed it for the day cause Mama's Mahoosive Meat Loaf can get messy, hehe."

Sasuke actually chuckled at me, I was tall, broad shouldered and fairly muscled. And I was wearing a frilly pink apron; I could understand that it didn't get any better than that.

"Keep laughing, at least mine doesn't say 'kiss the cook'" I groused. That shut him up.

Suddenly I felt Sasuke jump beside me, "Sakura…" he growled. "You actually _kept_ this flea-bitten stray?" he was referring to Sakura's new kitten Mittens. She was just so darn cute, I dunno how he hated her.

She just glared at him and returned to her hunt.

Sakura rolled up her sleeves and took out a big glass bowl from one of the overhead cupboards and set it down. "Pass the mushroom juice please." Glad that we had started with a normal ingredient Sasuke nodded and handed it to her along with a measuring cup.

"Water." He passed it to her. "Alright, Sasuke you chop the asparagus and the celery, Naruto you fry the bacon."

"Aww, why does he get to cut?"

"Like she would trust you with a kitchen knife."

"We're NINJAS for god's sakes, we use knives all the time!"

"Don't be stupid dobe, you throw those ones, these you need to actually pay attention for more that 4 seconds, which you are clearly incapable of."

"TEME!!"

"BOYS!!" her roar drowned out mine. "I'm going to grind the beef okay? Now play nice."

We continued to glare at each other until she smacked us both upside the head.

We all went about our duties, Sasuke cut, I fried, and Sakura asked us to add and assortment of strange things. When I drew the line at the red bean paste and vanilla pudding mix and tried to leave it out, only to be severely threatened by my dear, favorite gal pal.

Which is what brings me to this moment. Sakura had just diped a spoon into the mix as naturally as she would ramen and licked it right up. We both gave her a disgusted look. It was raw meat! SERIOUSLY!

"mmmmmmm!" she groaned. "That is some good meat loaf….but it needs something else…." She bit her thumbnail in thought. "Taste," she shoved a spoon into each of our mouths. "What do you guys think?" I resisted the urge to gag. It tasted like already barfed up regurgitation, toilet water and dirt, with a kick.

I could see that Sasuke was having a harder time forcing the concoction down than I did. He kept gagging with his mouth closed so he looked like he was about to sneeze.

"Awwww, does Sasu have the sniffles?" Sakura joked, elbowing him. Then she suddenly screamed "BANANAS!!"

"I think she's finally lost it." I muttered under my breath, which earned me a resound punch in the gut. I swear, that woman has super sonic hearing.

"That's what it needs, idiot." She rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

A phone rang in the other room, we were saved. "One sec, I'll just get that." She told us as she sucked the batter off her pointer finger.

As soon as she left the room my shoulders sagged with relief.

Mittens decided to make her entrance then and settle on a kitchen chair. "She seriously needs to get rid of that cat." I was glad he said something, the silence sans Sakura was disconcerting.

"Workin hard or hardly workin' boys?" The sudden blast of noise in my ear shocked me so bad I launched myself in the air and stuck my hands to the ceiling with chakra.

"KAKA-SENSEI!! Back me up Sasuke-teme."

"Unless you're here to help, leave." I was relieved that he actually listened.

"No, I'm here to watch disaster unfold. My three students cooking? This is wouldn't miss for the world."

Sakura reentered the room. "Oh, go poof."

He didn't.

"What was I gonna do? Right! Bananas."

She started chopping at such an alarming rate that her movements were a blur. Then she let out a piercing scream.

Sasuke, who hadn't been fixated by her insane skill turned quickly, "Sakura!" he shouted. I was shocked to hear worry in his voice. I musta misinterpreted.

Anyway, what happened next was she held up her hand staring at it in horror, we all did actually. Half her thumb was missing, it was a stub.

Us three panicked, I ran around waving my arms, hyperventilating. Sasuke had turned to stone, his eyes got glassy and I think he was about to faint. Kakashi tried to calm me down.

Then suddenly, "GOTCHA!!" Sakura started to laugh.

If looks could kill Sakura would be three times as dead as she would have been if she's been chopped into little pieces.

"Geez guys, lighten up." She shrugged, scooping up the bananas on her knife then dumping them in the bowl and stirring.

Sasuke plucked the knife from her grip. "You're not allowed near the knives anymore." And that was that.

"Mamma mia what a night." Kakashi laughed, "Dinner with all of you is never boring, I have to say."

"Mamma mia?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Meat loaf's Italian isn't it?"

X x X

"DAMMIT SAKURA!! THIS CAT IS DAMN ANNOYING! Why don't you-?!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME SASUKE I AM NOT PUTTING THE CAT IN THE OVEN!"

"Ah," Kakashi sighed as he sipped his tea and throwing the inedible meat loaf into the nearest flower pot. "Young love is so funny isn't it?"

**A/N: DID I BRING IT OR DID I BRING IT?! Lol this is full out warfare now hon. This'll be fuuuun! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!**

**Anyways, RRA&FAVE peeps.**

**-XFierce**


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